Telling a narcissist they are a narcissist! Did you ever tell your narcissist that they are a narcissist? Did you bring that up and say, Hey, I think you have a (Narcissism) narcissistic personality disorder. How did that go for you? Often, people will bring up different things to a toxic person to see if it will elicit a response or get them to respond in a certain way. How did it work for you?
People often confront, but what happens on the flip side is we’ll dive in on more. I’ll dive into some of a narcissist’s typical reactions and responses when confronted.
I’m confident that after reading the entire valuable article, all your questions about this topic Telling a narcissist they are a narcissist will be resolved. But it’s really important to carefully understand all the points described.
We will cover this topic in Three aspects, which will clear your thoughts.
- Deflection and denial:
- Gaslight and Manipulate:
- Invalidation and Dismissal:
Once, I was confronted and told that I’m a narcissist, so what really happened after? I will explain accordingly.
Narcissist knows what they’re doing that’s why they do it to you and that’s other people so to kind of just quell all the thoughts of like well they don’t actually know what they’re doing they know what they’re doing because of who they’re actually doing it around I knew what I was doing but I didn’t want to own up to it so I had to hide from it I had to not be accountable from it as much as I could.
Let’s discuss what happens when telling a narcissist they are a narcissist. Many people wonder if these individuals are aware of their actions. In some cases, they may not recognize these characteristics within themselves. Even if they do, they often deny or avoid acknowledging them.
Individuals with tendencies usually have an understanding of their actions, especially in specific situations or around certain individuals. They may be aware of their behavior. I prefer not to take accountability for it. It’s similar to when someone knows they’re engaging in something but refuses to admit it and tries to conceal it as much as possible.
What happens after Telling a Narcissist they are a Narcissist:
First aspect is typically deflection and denial:
So telling a narcissist they are a narcissist, they will deny or respond, not me. Who you’re talking about? What are you talking about? That’s not me, okay? This was my way of operating, first and foremost. Okay, I ended up coming out of a slightly vulnerable moment where I realized with my personality and learning how I showed up that I didn’t care about people. I didn’t care about the co-workers I was with; I didn’t have the same empathy connection sympathy to people all these different aspects.
I was like, I don’t connect the same way, and so I was walking through some stuff, and I was like in a moment of vulnerability in the kitchen one time, I was just like, you know what? I wonder if I’m a sociopath, and we’re like, my wife was like, what? And so we started looking it up and went through it, and I was like, nope, don’t think I’m a sociopath. She’d already been watching some videos about narcissism, and she was like you might be a narcissist.
And so I looked that up, and then it was like no, not me, not at all, so the first instinct was just deflection and denial, like let me actually deny the fact that I actually am this way, then I am a narcissist let me actually pretend that it’s something else and a lot of times narcissist will try to avoid any type of accountability by owning up to that they’re a narcissist so like once they get confronted with it they’re just like nope not narcissist a lot of times it will go back onto the other person well you’re a narcissist.
Have I called my wife a narcissist? Yes, there have been multiple times I’ve called my wife a narcissist, deflecting it, projecting it, and putting it back on the other person.
So I don’t have to own it. A lot of times with this piece of like trying to deny it, trying to get away from it, it’s like what do I have to do to get you either distracted from it or what do I have to do to understand I deny it, and it’s totally not me so for my way of operating is then let me go to other people in my life so co-workers Affair Partners people that were integrated with our lives.
And be like, hey, my wife’s, my wife said I was a narcissist. Can you believe that it’s kind of wild to look at these like I’m not this way, right-leaning them and baiting them to the place where they would admit and agree to the fact that I was a narcissist? Oh, maybe I have traits. Oh, maybe I look slightly that way.
Well, I’ve done that, you know, every once in a while, but hasn’t everybody, you know, all these different types of peace to try to convince them that I wasn’t a narcissist now, they didn’t have as much context, and they didn’t have as much background of living with me and the abusive that I is there, so as a result, most people came back and being like yeah no you’re not a narcissist.
So then the next step was hey why don’t you let her know that because I feel like she’s not actually seeing this clearly see this is like the piece of let me deny it and let me bring it back so other people are actually convincing her of saying like oh he’s actually not a narcissist one that’s crazy.
A narcissist will use this defensive response to be able to avoid having any harm to their self-image, like narcissist bad image like don’t want to look like a narcissist and don’t want to be a narcissist, so have to be able to protect that that’s not me like that’s not who I am that’s not what it looks like to also avoid any of the shortcomings to avoid the things the nurses actually do okay so this might have happened in your relationship.
You said like hey, I think you’re a narcissist, and he responded uh, you’re just trying to say that to make me look bad because you’re jealous of My Success. You’re just trying to say that to make me look bad or feel bad because you’re not doing as well as you’re the one with the problem, not me. You’re too sensitive. Did you hear any of these phrases a lot of times? The narcissist will try to flip it back around on you to deny it, to deflect it, to make you feel bad for it.
SO telling a narcissist they are a narcissist can make them show this aspect.
Aspect in Which Narcissist Starts to Gaslight and Manipulate:
Telling a narcissist they are a narcissist the aspect of where a narcissist starts to Gaslight and manipulate just like I was starting to Gaslight by bringing in other people to convince my wife that I wasn’t a narcissist to manipulate the situation like the narcissist you might have already seen is a skillful manipulator that uses these different types of inks use gaslight to try to undermine your reality to undermine what’s actually happening, and a lot of times, when you label narcissists as a narcissist.
They start to do things to minimize your concerns. They start to do things to make you feel like, well, maybe it actually isn’t like he doesn’t actually have all characteristics; you only have to have five, but like, you start to explain it away as mike gets away with minimizing your concerns might get a place of like twisting the truth like that didn’t actually happen like you heard me say this but what I meant was this like you saw this.
But what I actually was intending with this it wasn’t my intent to hurt you, and we get to see all these different things where just slight tweaks of the truth start to confuse you, and narcissist will use this over and over to gaslight And manipulate you into believing an alternate reality with gaslighting.
It’s not just twisting the truth; it’s also getting to the place where they’re not just saying, hey, this didn’t happen; they do not just deny it, but they’re also trying to make you feel crazy for believing the truth that it happened so narcissist wants to blame you wants to put it back on you, wants to confuse you and make you doubt your judgment this whole goal of let me question your decision is.
So that I can be in control of the situation of the information of the communication of the relationship so you’re going to see this to minimize you in a lot of different ways reduce the things that just happen you’re overreacting like you’re way too sensitive I was just joking you’re being exceptionally too sensitive you’re constantly misinterpreting things did you get any of these phrases a lot of times the narcissists will try to put it back on you by minimizing the things that you’re feeling now.
The Last Aspect is The Invalidation and Dismissal:
Okay, telling a narcissist they are a narcissist so kind of Step by Step; my progression first was to deny it was not a narcissist, right? The second thing was making her doubt her Reality by bringing other people into the situation to tell her that I wasn’t a narcissist okay, then we’re moving into that state of, like, I need to be able to invalidate you invalidate your opinion of me and validate your accountability of me like get validate all of it and to just dismiss it.
It’s not that big of a deal, so as a result, I didn’t bring it back up; as a result, anytime she’d bring it back up, I would squash it, I’d put it down, I would invalidate her opinion, but you don’t know what you’re talking about you’re not a psychologist you’re not trained in this way you can’t diagnose me all these types of things okay of trying to invalidate the other person’s thoughts and feelings and opinions to make themselves feel bad now narcissist is going to dismiss your concerns.
They’re going to move it away, and they’re going to do that typically by attacking you by belittling your opinion or fighting in a certain way that’s going to find tiny little pieces of the argument to destroy, so a lot of times with my wife I would fight very technically okay you should be like you got home at five o’clock. You said you would get home at four, like, I got home at 501, so you definitely can’t keep track of time. What are you talking about?
Okay, this is the straw man Factor that creates another argument that you can defeat, okay, but moving it, there are a lot of different pieces. Okay, but like the whole aspect of fighting in these different ways, if I can prove that you said something wrong in one tiny instance, then it means your whole argument’s bad Mission isn’t true. Still, I want to do that to belittle, downplay, and manipulate the situation so that I’d be in control of the conversation of the argument.
Often, narcissists will criticize you and downplay the impact of their behavior on you, outright ignore you, ignore your accusation, and give you silent treatment, invalidating your feelings. And experiences, they start to get to where I am Superior; I am entitled to what is happening. What did your narcissist do, like how did he respond when you called him a narcissist?
Don’t be surprised if, at the moment, he turns around and calls you a narcissist, or within the next three months, he starts to come back with narcissistic words and vocabulary and puts it back on you. You’re just gaslighting me Like, I feel hurt now. Like, you’re so abusive, why would you talk to me like that, and all of a sudden, they start to flip the roll. This is what is very important for you to be able to understand frequently.
It only ramps up, and it becomes more dangerous when you tell a narcissist that they’re a narcissist because they either learn about it, start to understand, or begin to see the direction you’re going with it. They manipulate and control you to get back into a power Dynamic over you. Here’s what you need to know if you’re at the place where you’re like, I want to tell the narcissist he’s a narcissist. Let’s focus on something simple: can he admit he’s a liar and be honest.
Can you acknowledge a narcissist they are a narcissist? Can you show up vulnerable and open daily and continue that change moving forward, here’s the thing you need to understand: if he can’t do those things, don’t bring up narcissism. It is a waste of time if you can’t deal with someone willing to engage with truth and honesty. You cannot bring into the table, hey, I think you’re a narcissist, because all they’re going to see is that I can’t get healed.
Hence, this is just who I am, so you’re going to deal with it, or oh no, I think you’re the narcissist, and flip it around back on you; this process is complicated. You have to be careful when you’re going down the road of even telling a narcissist they are a narcissist; okay, if they are not willing to live in reality, all you will be doing is opening and exposing yourself to more abuse, so please be careful.
My Opinion:
As a psychologist, telling a narcissist they are a narcissist I believe dealing with a narcissist’s behavior can present challenges. It’s crucial to approach this situation carefully and consider your well-being. Here’s my advice on how to handle such a scenario:
Evaluate the Circumstances: Before deciding to address a narcissist about their behavior, it’s essential to evaluate the circumstances. Take into account the risks, benefits, and consequences of your actions. Reflect on your relationship with the individual and how their narcissism affects your life.
Prioritize Safety: If confronting the narcissist puts your emotional safety in jeopardy, it is essential to prioritize your well-being. In some cases, removing yourself from the situation may be the option. This could involve creating distance between you and the individual or seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist.
Establish Boundaries: If immediate separation is not feasible, setting boundaries can help safeguard your emotional health. Communicate these boundaries firmly and assertively without aggression. Narcissists may not always respect these limits, so be prepared to reinforce them.
Seek Professional Assistance: Telling a narcissist they are a narcissist or Dealing with narcissistic personality disorder often requires intervention due to its nature. It would benefit you to seek help from professionals who can help and support you throughout this process.
Encouraging someone to consider therapy or counseling is necessary, although it’s essential to be prepared for resistance. Ultimately, individuals need to be willing to recognize their behavior and actively seek help.
Choose Your Battles: It’s crucial to approach discussions about narcissism cautiously, as confronting a narcissist may lead to defensiveness and denial. Consider the timing and the individual’s receptiveness before engaging in conversations. Sometimes, waiting for a moment can yield better results.
Take Care of Yourself: Dealing with a narcissist can take a toll. Take care of yourself by engaging in activities that promote relaxation and help you cope with stress., such as mindfulness exercises, meditation, physical activity, or spending time with loved ones.
Limit Interaction: Whenever possible, minimize engagement with the narcissist. This decreases opportunities for conflicts and emotional manipulation.
Acknowledge Limitations: You must understand that you cannot force narcissists to change unless they genuinely desire self-improvement. Accepting this limitation can reduce frustration and disappointment on your part.
CONCLUSION:
In conclusion, telling a narcissist they are a narcissist can be quite complex and challenging. Narcissists often react by deflecting, denying, gaslighting, manipulating, invalidating, or dismissing the concerns raised. These reactions have the potential to exacerbate the situation. May even contribute to emotional abuse.
Therefore, you must prioritize your safety first and foremost. Establishing boundaries and considering guidance when dealing with a narcissist are essential steps. Ultimately, your well-being should always be your concern. Carefully evaluate the risks and benefits before engaging in such conversations. Remember that actual changes in a narcissist’s behavior are unlikely unless they genuinely seek help and strive for self-improvement.
Practicing self-care and setting boundaries play roles in navigating relationships with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits.
